wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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