i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
