so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
