you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
