YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
