i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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