She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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