So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
