talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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