fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
