So drunk its hurt
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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