let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
