he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
