oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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