he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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