Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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