I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
