Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
