Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
