i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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