I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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