dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Two words: nipple clamps
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