I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
