Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
