she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
this hospital has no fireball
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
