I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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