i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
