I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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