And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
