every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
