so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
