Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
