Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
When are your genitals available?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
