Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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