this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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