When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
