I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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