Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
