jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Randomize
