Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
