I think I am morally bankrupt
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
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