Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just google imaged poop.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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