What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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