Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
