If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she smelled like a LAN party
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
