There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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