Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
