Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My day in three words: secret purse cake
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
