I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
