Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
