he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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