And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
They are going to name an STD after you.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
