Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
