It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
