Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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